Good news everyone, invitations have gone out for the “friends” and “family” alpha of Warlords of Draenor. Excuse me a moment while I fire up the Battle Net launcher and install the Alpha client.
Okay I’m back. It’s been about an hour since I wrote that last sentence. You’re probably thinking that it took that long to download and install the client. It’s possible that’s how long it takes to install, but I wouldn’t know. Apparently Blizzard and I have very different definitions of “friends” and “family”, and I’m now working through the five stages of grief.
I’ve been playing this game for 10 years. I’m the co-founder and co-host of the Hunting Party Podcast, the greatest Hunter podcast of its time. I have a popular blog where I tend to only write nice things about Blizzard and WoW. On the 200th episode of the aforementioned podcast we had popular WoW insiders such as @crithto, @mattmercer, @methodroger and @michelemorrow.
So how does Blizzard choose to reward the greatest Hunter mind of our time? Do they give me an Alpha Invite? Oh no, no that would be too obvious, I grant you. Call me uncommonly good looking? Fiendishly gifted?
This demands a conversation with Blizzard, Good Dwarves style. Be right back.
So I just got off the phone with Blizzard, and against the advice of my attorney, I’m posting the transcript of my little chat.
ME: “What am I a mirage here?”
ME: “What? I just asked you for an f****n alpha invite? I asked you for an alpha invite.”
BLIZZ: “You wanted an alpha invite?”
ME: “I just asked you for an f***n alpha invite.”
BLIZZ: “No I thought you said you that you were alright Blizzard.”
ME: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What, do you got me on an f****n pay no mind list kid?”
BLIZZ: “No, I thought you said you was alright Blizzard.”
ME: “No you ain’t alright Blizzard, you got a lot of f****n problems.”
BLIZZ: “No I thought you said you were alright Blizzard.”
ME: “I AM ALRIGHT. YOU AIN’T ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE F****N PRICK!”
BLIZZ: ” I thought, I thought…”
ME: “duh, duh, you’ve been doing this to me for 10 years you mother f*****r.”
BLIZZ: “You want your invite now? I’ll bring it to you.”
ME: “GO GET ME A F****N INVITE! MOVE IT YOU LITTLE PRICK!”
ME: “DANCE! DANCE THE F****N INVITE BACK TO ME!”
turns to the cat.
ME: “Hey what’s that movie that Bronzbeard made? The one where he plays a Hunter?”
THE CAT: “The Oklahoma Dwarf.”
turns back to the phone, and waves an arcanite steam pistol in the air.
ME: “That’s me! I’m the Oklahoma Dwarf! You f*****n varmit! Dance! Yahoo you mother f****r.”
The details are a little fuzzy after this point, but I thought I heard a click, I still don’t have an invite, and I need a new phone.