What Am I, a Mirage Here?

Good news everyone, invitations have gone out for the “friends” and “family” alpha of Warlords of Draenor. Excuse me a moment while I fire up the Battle Net launcher and install the Alpha client.

Okay I’m back. It’s been about an hour since I wrote that last sentence. You’re probably thinking that it took that long to download and install the client. It’s possible that’s how long it takes to install, but I wouldn’t know. Apparently Blizzard and I have very different definitions of “friends” and “family”, and I’m now working through the five stages of grief.

I’ve been playing this game for 10 years. I’m the co-founder and co-host of the Hunting Party Podcast, the greatest Hunter podcast of its time. I have a popular blog where I tend to only write nice things about Blizzard and WoW. On the 200th episode of the aforementioned podcast we had popular WoW insiders such as @crithto, @mattmercer, @methodroger and @michelemorrow.

DARKBREW LAGER!

So how does Blizzard choose to reward the greatest Hunter mind of our time? Do they give me an Alpha Invite? Oh no, no that would be too obvious, I grant you. Call me uncommonly good looking? Fiendishly gifted?

This demands a conversation with Blizzard, Good Dwarves style. Be right back.

So I just got off the phone with Blizzard, and against the advice of my attorney, I’m posting the transcript of my little chat.

—-

ME: “What am I a mirage here?”

BLIZZ: “What?”

ME: “What? I just asked you for an f****n alpha invite? I asked you for an alpha invite.”

BLIZZ: “You wanted an alpha invite?”

ME: “I just asked you for an f***n alpha invite.”

BLIZZ: “No I thought you said you that you were alright Blizzard.”

ME: “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What, do you got me on an f****n pay no mind list kid?”

BLIZZ: “No, I thought you said you was alright Blizzard.”

ME: “No you ain’t alright Blizzard, you got a lot of f****n problems.”

BLIZZ: “No I thought you said you were alright Blizzard.”

ME: “I AM ALRIGHT. YOU AIN’T ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE F****N PRICK!”

BLIZZ: ” I thought, I thought…”

ME: “duh, duh, you’ve been doing this to me for 10 years you mother f*****r.”

BLIZZ: “You want your invite now? I’ll bring it to you.”

ME: “GO GET ME A F****N INVITE! MOVE IT YOU LITTLE PRICK!”

ME: “DANCE! DANCE THE F****N INVITE BACK TO ME!”

turns to the cat.

ME: “Hey what’s that movie that Bronzbeard made? The one where he plays a Hunter?”

THE CAT: “The Oklahoma Dwarf.”

turns back to the phone, and waves an arcanite steam pistol in the air.

ME: “That’s me! I’m the Oklahoma Dwarf! You f*****n varmit! Dance! Yahoo you mother f****r.”

—-

The details are a little fuzzy after this point, but I thought I heard a click, I still don’t have an invite, and I need a new phone.

Yipee-Ki-Yay!

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