Honey Bunches of Rawr!

“A Honey Badger does not kill you to eat you. It tears off your testicles.”

– Jeremy Clarkson, BBC’s Top Gear Botswana Special

A few days ago Blizzard put out a call for pet feedback. They wanted to know what types of pets we’d like to have and what abilities they should have. Today I’m going to make a plea for what I think is the must have pet for any hunter – the Honey Badger.

When it comes to pets what I most desire is something that is small (almost critter size), furry, cute and tenacious. I want something that is the embodiment of bestial wrath – While enraged, the beast does not feel pity or remorse or fear and it cannot be stopped unless killed.

Scientific American declared the honey badger the most fearsome land mammal due to its “favorable claw to body ratio.” In addition to its offensive capabilities the honey badger also emits a spray that is so putrid it makes a skunk’s seem like Channel No. 5. Weighing about 30 lbs. and just over three feet long from head to tail, they are the closest thing we have in nature to a Cyberdyne Systems Model 101.

There was a National Geographic special in 2002 that documented a honey badger as it stole food directly out of the mouth of a puff adder. After it finished it’s meal it hunted down the snake and proceeded to eat it too. In fact the snake managed to bite the badger, paralyzing it for a short time. Once the poison wore off it finished eating the snake.

Big cats like lions and leopards avoid these animals at all costs, why? Lions and leopards like to go for the jugular and suffocate their prey, but not these guys (excuse me while I cross my legs now). Nope, they go straight for the genitals.

They’re one of the only known animals to kill a cape buffalo one-on-one by castrating it. In case you didn’t know the cape buffalo can weight up to 1900 lbs. and is one the “Big Five” most dangerous game animals. The other four being lion, elephant, rhino and leopard. WTF?

Now as far as an Azerothian version is concerned, they should live everywhere and be tameable at any level. For abilities there are many that are fitting; berserks, stuns, fears, roars, and interrupts all would work. I really don’t care what it does. As long as it’s the new wolf I’ll be happy.

So, um, what pets would like to see?

4 comments

  1. Loving it! I want one!

    Honey Badger definitely deserves a place in WoW… and no question I would want to take mine back to "visit" Arthas.

  2. My badger dogs (dachshunds!) fear nothing that lives on this continent, but I'm certain they would get eff'd up if they met one of these badgers.

    Sac Snack: Honey Badger performs an unblockable, undodgeable, unbelievable crit strike on target enemy, stunning enemy for 10 seconds, doing AP*100 damage, and causing target to bleed for an additional AP*100 damage over the next 30 seconds. 5 minute cooldown.

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