The Name Heard ‘Round the Grim Guzzler
Twenty-two years. That was how long we had known him as just “Darkbrew.” That night, everything changed.
The Grim Guzzler was packed, as usual. In the corner booth, Jerrick Frostfeld, a human mage, was making his case to Elaina Benesprocket, a gnome priestess.
”He pulled the whole dungeon. We jumped down to the platform and his cat went a completely different direction. A minute later every Trogg in the dungeon showed up. In a line, like it’s a parade. How hard is it to dismiss a pet?”
”It’s about, what, five seconds,” said Elaina.
”I will say, that cat knew his way around the dungeon better than any of us,” added Jerrick.
Georgian Moonstanza, a night elf druid, slid into the booth with a subtle grin on his face. At least they thought it was a grin. You could never quite tell with these elves.
“Where have you been?” asked Elaina.
“Dun Morogh. I went with Darkbrew to see his mother. They haven’t spoken in five years.”
“Five years?” said Jerrick. “Over what?”
“Nobody knows. He wouldn’t say.” The druid paused. “But while I was there, I picked up a juicy little nugget about our friend.”
Elaina sat up. “I’m ready. What is it?”
“You sure you’re ready?” asked Georgian.
“I’m ready,” said Elaina.
“I got his second name,” Georgian replied.
“You got the second name?” said Jerrick. “I’ve been trying to get that out of him for twenty-two years! What is it?”
Georgian glanced around the bar, leaned in, and said, “Keghunter.”
A beat of silence. Then Jerrick wheezed, “Keghunter?“
“Keghunter!” Elaina shrieked, and the two of them collapsed into laughter, pounding the table, tears running down their faces.
“Keghunter!” Jerrick gasped, wiping his eyes. “Who has a name like…” He tried to finish and just started laughing again.
Over in the corner, Phalanx glanced their way, then returned to his brooding.
At that moment, Darkbrew strode into the tavern with a blunderbuss on his back and a mug of Darkbrew Lager in each hand, his faithful cat, Broken Tooth, at his side.
“What’s so funny?” Darkbrew asked.
There was an awkward pause. Then, unable to contain themselves any further, Elaina and Jerrick blurted out, “Keghunter!?” and began laughing uncontrollably again.
Darkbrew smiled at them and said, “All right, so you know the name. Fine. The cat is…”
At his feet, Broken Tooth reared up and let out what sounded like a meow with a hint of a roar.
“…out of the bag.”
“Twenty-two years,” said Jerrick, still catching his breath. “Twenty-two years, and you kept that one locked down. Respect.”
“It’s not such a bad name,” said Elaina, in the voice of someone who very much thought it was a bad name.
Darkbrew pulled up a stool. “I’ve been running from that name my whole life. I wouldn’t tell anyone, because I was scared of what it meant. But I had a long walk back from my mother’s, and I got to thinking. I’m done running. I’m Darkbrew Keghunter, and I’m not ducking it anymore.”
The cat roared again, for emphasis.
So, About That Name
Yes, it’s Keghunter. Picture a dwarf who goes looking for beer and instead finds a dragon. That’s Darkbrew in a nutshell: he heads out for something simple and ends up with more than he bargained for. And also, beer.
Name reservations and character creation are now open in WoW: Forever for players who qualify, and the two-name system is a big change. A first name and a second name combine to form one unique name. In retail, you can only have one name per character, so this took some getting used to.
The upside is that I was virtually guaranteed the first names I want. Darkbrew for my Dwarf Hunter was practically a given. The second name can also be hidden in a lot of places in the game, which is handy for keeping it tucked away. I considered naming every character Darkbrew and varying the second name. I also tried flipping it and treating Darkbrew as a “legacy name” in the second slot, but I didn’t like that as much.
The downside is that I now have to find second names I love, not just ones I like. Finding ones I like turned out to be easy. Finding ones I love is another story.
The Reservation Chaos
Then came the actual reservation process, which was an adventure.
It was an awful dance of logon and get disconnected. Rinse and repeat until someone at Blizzard realized we’re a quarter of the way through the 21st Century and we ought to be using technology that reflects that.
Running WoW: Forever like it’s 2004 is the wrong kind of nostalgia to capture.
Once I got in I created Darkbrew Keghunter, and then because you can never have too many Hunters I decided to create a Human Hunter. That’s when the naming police came down on me hard.
I wanted to name him Jimbo Connors. It turns out anything with C-O-N in the name was flagged. So I had to wait for a patch.
Jimbo Connors is ready. He’s an older, gray-haired, seasoned adventurer in the Reno Jackson, Indiana Jones, Robert Muldoon mold. He’s a nod to a Human Hunter I have in retail.
So no, I won’t be creating a third character, for now. A lot of people are worried about names, but I’m not part of the crowd treating the name screen like Bart Simpson prank-calling Moe’s Tavern. I’m pretty sure whatever uninteresting name I want next will be sitting there, waiting for me. Until then, you’ll find me at the Grim Guzzler with Darkbrew Keghunter, Jimbo Connors, and one very fast cat. See you in Azeroth.
